I’m not physically attracted to my wife anymore I make up lies to avoid having sex with her?

24 responses to “I’m not physically attracted to my wife anymore I make up lies to avoid having sex with her?”

1. 
   Married

   May 13, 2011 at 12:29 pm | Permalink

   I think you should tell her to get in shape for her health and sex life. I would try and not mention “not attracted” part till its necessary.

2. 
   Scott

   May 13, 2011 at 1:00 pm | Permalink

   talk to her about it dont lie to her if you love each other than you can fix anything exercise together would be a good start or watch the kids while she goes to the gym

3. 
   Quaker O

   May 13, 2011 at 1:05 pm | Permalink

   And let me guess you are a jonny depp look alike??

4. 
   phattybiggums

   May 13, 2011 at 1:50 pm | Permalink

   Unless you look the same way you did when she met you then you need to give it a break. What you should do is take you and your wife to counseling….so that you can work through her issues of why she is gaining weight. Hey she might be doing some emotional eating because she has figured out that you are avoiding her. You need to know… just because you won’t, don’t mean someone else will not give her the best sex she ever had no matter what her size is. There are clubs just for women that have extra curves and men who love them. Climb off you high horse and try to help her instead of being a jerk…her problems are you problems.

5. 
   ekto s

   May 13, 2011 at 2:34 pm | Permalink

   Help her get slim! No junk food, lots of exercise. Take an active part in returning your children’s mother to her previous condition, that you helped to change! Start today!

   If you don’t want sex with her, then you will be giving up sex then, altogether?

6. 
   Xanadu

   May 13, 2011 at 3:03 pm | Permalink

   I think it might be more about her feelings about herself and how that is shaping her attitude than simply the shape of her body.

   Only she can make the change to lose weight and get into shape.

   This would be the part of the marriage vows that state “in sickness, for worse, and till death do you part”.

   so much for your vow- your word as a man will be worthless if you divorce her. Is that the caliber of man you want to be?

7. 
   darth_mudius

   May 13, 2011 at 3:27 pm | Permalink

   seriously you should cheat on her with a sexy younger girl you meet at a bar… she probably already suspects you of if cause your trying not to have sex with her…. hear me out… the best way would be to flat out tell her your not physically attracted to her you she has to lose weight and maintain herself better but your an a hole if you do that… she might leave you… so cheat or her you’ll get what you need and you could probably get away with it… and if she does find it she might understand and fix herself or she might leave you…

8. 
   queenie q

   May 13, 2011 at 3:58 pm | Permalink

   For “better or worse” ever heard of that one. Who knows what lies ahead of you, car wreck leaving you looking undesirable. Be an encourager, loving her to make a change if she can.- nagging will make it worse. I imagine she already gets that you don’t feel the same as” use to.” Depression will set in and she will have a much harder time doing anything right. You made a commitment when you said ” I DO”

9. 
   Pookie

   May 13, 2011 at 4:43 pm | Permalink

   I think you need to try to find the reason why you love her, romance her, have her romance you and find your sex drive again, have you ever wondered if maybe the lack of attraction to your wife is actually an underlying problem of yours? Is there lots of stress in your life (with the kids, at work, with the family…etc?)
   Maybe have a chit chat with your wife that YOUR feeling your not living a healthy lifestyle and you would like to have her on board with eating better, exercising and making better lifestyle choices (tell her you need her to support you with this and that maybe going to the gym together motivates you and her? and its something you can enjoy together away from your kids *which is a bonus).

10. 
    Sanchez

    May 13, 2011 at 5:37 pm | Permalink

    Tell her you were thinking of joining a gym but you don’t want to go alone so you would like it if you guys could get a sitter and go to the gym together a few times a week. Also offer to do all the grocery shopping and only buy healthy foods. That way you will both start looking better together and no one has to get there feelings hurt.

11. 
    cool breeze

    May 13, 2011 at 6:26 pm | Permalink

    That sucks..try a wii fit for Christmas..

12. 
    FLIKNCLINT

    May 13, 2011 at 7:09 pm | Permalink

    yes, i see your point!

    dont get caught up with comments here about the calibre of being a man, these same women bail when the money runs out, or a better guy pays extra attention. Plus as women ARE NOT men, they cant comment on BEING A MAN!

    better of for worse, when i was married, these words weren’t there (i’m not religious)….

    look, you have your hand, we all used it before we thought everything revolved around pussy, and you can get re-aquainted again…no probs..or maybe just picture that cutie u saw at the shop today while doin the deed.

    maybe let the wife know how your feeling, mine has no problems putting me down at will, so it shouldn’t be a problem, if she does nothing to rectify the situation, maybe look for someone new…hey you will still be supporting your family financially, but at least you will be getting some action on the side and being able to be independent again…

13. 
    Sh?nn?n

    May 13, 2011 at 7:47 pm | Permalink

    You have to tell her.
    Nothing can ever get better if you keep lying.
    Just be very careful how you tell her.
    You might start with I want to join a gym; I’m not getting any younger and I don’t want to be over-weight with health problems like my father.
    It’d mean a lot to me if we spent some time together doing something, and going to the gym together would be great.

    You need to read http://makeyourwifehot.com/
    How you treat her has a huge impact on her inner self-image and it will show on her outer self-image.

    I didn’t find that website until after I already had figured out a lot of it on my own [over a very long period of time].
    I might get lambasted for it [TDs] but that will only prove my point if it does happen – women are highly emotionally driven.
    There is this notion that men are emotionally shielded and women are more comfortable with their emotions. I think that’s rubbish now. Let’s suppose, for a moment, that women have the exact same emotionally shielding men do. Yet they still act so much more emotional.
    That means they have more and more intense emotions that easily overcome the shield.
    The grief you feel when your grandfather passes away is close to the grief they feel when their cat dies. The intensity knob is cranked way up.

    So if you subtly ignore her, or not so subtly by refusing sex, that rejection quickly becomes self-sustaining and she feels so unattractive that not even her husband is interested in her and that’s a black-hole of depression and emotional eating [women tend to turn to food, men tend to turn to porn] that just makes the problem worse.

    Your first maneuver towards turning things around, it hawt “I must have you right here and now” sex.
    Make her feel like you find her *irresistible*. Fake it ’til you make it.

14. 
    Bunny318

    May 13, 2011 at 8:29 pm | Permalink

    My first question is do you want to do something about this or do you want to move on? Love/marriage is a decision to stay together–not an emotion or an attraction. If you decide to stay in your marriage and want to do something, here is a quick suggestion. Try to help your wife lose weight and have a life. Join her in walking around the neighborhood or other workout session. Or encourage her to take a class that can make her physically active. If she’s not working, encourage her to work, even part time. Arrange for a way for a babysitter to take care of your children. Again, the choice is yours.

15. 
    Lulu

    May 13, 2011 at 8:39 pm | Permalink

    she Santa will get you a trophy wife for Christmas just make sure you stick you head in the chimney that day..

16. 
    craig b

    May 13, 2011 at 9:39 pm | Permalink

    Your me brother.
    My wife did the same thing. Bigger and bigger until……..I just could not stand to be in the same bed with her. After a few years, she finally filed for a divorce. As it turns out, she was having an affair on the side. (can you blame her?)
    After the divorce, she began to lose weight. Size 20, 18, 16…………12 and back to a 10 even an 8 in some things.
    She was as gorgeous as the day we married. However, she is now married to someone else. I see her around town and I go home and cry that I will never be with her again !

    There is more to a relationship than sex.

17. 
    jude

    May 13, 2011 at 9:50 pm | Permalink

    No one looks the same as they did when you first met them, and having kids does put weight on some. Why not get her a gym membership, get her a personal trainer, tell her you want her to loose weight, but don’t tell her your not attracted to her anymore or your marriage won’t have a chance. go to the gym with her and work out with her.

18. 
    SF

    May 13, 2011 at 9:50 pm | Permalink

    depends how much wait…..tell her that she could affect her health and try to be more for her know then ever, cause she may have her hands full with the kids and doesn’t have time to take care of herself like she should…(I’m only guessing) Cook for her healthy meals and take out the kids in the park, where all the family can play ball, or other games which involves sport

    Be a good husband and father and don’t complain that much, just try to help her out and maybe suggest that u to could go jogging together, or other stuff..:D

19. 
    Max M

    May 13, 2011 at 10:29 pm | Permalink

    If it bothers you and you feel like you need to tell her, then do so. Otherwise, you wouldn’t even bother telling us about it. Good luck.

20. 
    foreverxgratefull

    May 13, 2011 at 11:18 pm | Permalink

    wow thats sad. sex is about more then looks, if you love her then her looks shouldnt matter!!

21. 
    mommy of one

    May 13, 2011 at 11:30 pm | Permalink

    being married is a partnership so when one is falling the other is suppose to catch them, im pretty sure your wife knows she let her self go but she needs you to make her feel sexy again, you two can go walking and you can tell her how beautiful she is every second if it helps. i believe you need to give her a boost she is your wife.

22. 
    Fluckflu

    May 13, 2011 at 11:49 pm | Permalink

    move the fridge 4 to 5 blocks away… this way she can get some exercise on the way to her snack

23. 
    mileyrae_82

    May 14, 2011 at 12:27 am | Permalink

    This is embaressing but I did the same thing after I gave birth to my second child. What motivated me was my husband being truthfull and telling me he was not attracted. I felt that it was my respobsibility to lose the weight in order to keep my marriage together. Honesty is the best policy so just tell her she is not the woman you married and you think she needs to lose the weight.

24. 
    HighRoller

    May 14, 2011 at 1:19 am | Permalink

    Talk to her. You don’t have to be obnoxious about it, but discuss it with her.
    Too many people giving up on relationships and throwing away marriages for stupid things. The longer you let it go, the further apart the two of you will grow. Then there’s nowhere else to go but out. Talking is highly under rated.