A close friend of the family just had their house burn to the ground. I can’t imagine the stress and overwhelment they must be feeling. They have a 13-year-old son and two dogs. I want to do something to ease the logistical hurdles of daily life after having everything you owned destroyed. I know they will be busy with paperwork and financial issues, so what can I do to help with the daily stress? I am not close enough to offer bording, etc. I’m afraid to buy clothing (I was thinking pajamas, boxers, socks, etc) because I have no idea what they prefer and they may just say thank you but not use it. I was thinking getting a small collection together to buy toothpaste, brushes, shampoo, etc to ease the burden of whoever they will be staying with (or if they’re at a hotel). But then I thought that this would be pointless because maybe the insurance company gives them money for it. I do not have a lot of money so I’d hate to have it all go to waste and I’d like direction on what will help most. Who has been in this situation and can tell me what would have been SUCH a help in the first day or two? I thought a gift card, but the whole point is to do some of the leg work for them because they will be so busy and will be without all of their belongings at the same time. I was also thinking of offering to care for one of their pets temporarily… Any ideas are appreciated!
Basic necessities since they have to start over from scratch. Think of what you NEED on a daily basis clothes, toothpaste, comb, deordorant etc. Maybe a gift card to a supermarket.
Having been in the same position as your friend, we found it quite helpful when friends and other family members inquired about what we needed. They would then split the list of necessities and bring the small items to us at the apartment where we were staying. Taking care of pets would be wonderful if it would alleviate an additional responsibility for them (especially if their temporary home doesn’t allow animals). Depending on where they end up staying, you might consider preparing inexpensive meals for them on occasion. Don’t worry; whatever you do will be most appreciated.
I would appreciate invitations for meals. Money to eat out even with insurance can be quite costly. The offer to house a pet would be nice, but I don’t know if I would split the two of mine up, since it is already stressful for them too.
You might also consider, since money is an issue, using coupons and collecting supplies for when their house is rebuilt or another one purchased.
I’ve been homeless twice – house fire and hail storm. Yes, send them some store gift cards that way they can buy what they need and in the correct sizes. Going shopping can be a pleasant thing to do after going through all that stress. The scope of the situation and the shock has probably still to set in. Caring temporarily for their pets is a good idea. Home cooked meals, a box of fresh fruit would be welcome after eating takeaway and hotel food for a while! It’s really nice to know that others care. Insurance companies can take a long time to settle. My tip is never accept an insurers first offer and its amazing what you have to fight for, clothing is replaced but you have to say well what about all the new coathangers that will be needed… it seems minor but these things really add up if its not included in your initial list of what you’ve lost.
I live in Southern California and every year homes burn down. Its sad and unfortunately I have a few friends who dealt with it. If you have an open dialogue with them and they like you, its easier to get started than you think.
First, let them know you want to help. The key is not to let them think they are charity.
Necessities are great, but always come off as charity. Something that does help is escapism.
Take them to a movie, lift their spirits. Even if its for a couple of hours, alot of pressure is forgotten and it lifts the burden for a little while.
Have a dinner party and invite other people other than them, but do include them. Maybe even ask them if they can help out. If they feel like they are helping, they don’t feel like they are getting helped.
Just try to trick them into accepting help without making it look like help.
There’s not much else you can do and believe me, if they realize it, they would be grateful to you for doing it.
Hope this helps.
You should offer to take in both dogs together. (They may be traumatized too) and this will ease some of your friends stress.
As you noted, insurance and the Red Cross usually offer to put families in a hotel for a few days and gives toiletry items etc., but pets are not often allowed in hotels. Keeping the dogs together is a relief for the family as well as the dogs.
Also remember that the 13 yr old has just lost all of his “stuff”. Offer to take him out to get a cheap (as your budget may allow) Mp3 player and add his favorite music or get him a favorite sporting good item.
You are on track. Be there to listen. Share what you have. Never insist that they take what you offer. Offer to care for the pets – both, not singly, or find someone you trust who can take both. Separated pets will be much more distressed and the owners will sense and be affected by this.
Buy extra toiletries etc, Have them as ‘spares’ to offer, which is a nice way to deflect obvious connotations of specific charity intent. Watch for simple things they’re missing (shaver, nail clippers, shopping bags) and offer them as you can. Offer a bed, sofa or tv to watch. Internet any time. See if they need cell phone chargers.
Talk the legals with them. Find services that may help (they’ll be uncomfortable with too much from you directly). See what papers they’re missing (licenses, certificate etc) and look up how they can replace them. Talk throught he contents insurance with them to make sure they aren’t forgetting items or the true value of items.
Basically, help them be comfortable, confident, moving towards normality and try to make sure they’re not ripped off. Make sure that they understand that you see this as just what is to be done, not something for which debt accrues or reward is expected. It is very hard for people to accept a lot of help if they haven’t been through something similar before.
Good luck.